Nobody ever said being a parent was easy. I've written in the past about parenting from a Dad's perspective, and I've pointed out that the rough patches we go through with our kids come in phases. Of course, I love being a Dad and the rough patches are nothing compared to the good times we've had as a family, but some rough patches are rougher than others.
We're going through a bit of a tough one right now: Our son, who is now eight, is smack in the middle of investigating his "guyhood" ("manhood" seems a little premature): what it means to be male as opposed to being a girl. As this has coincided with my being home full-time with a broken wrist (don't ask) it's a topic he discusses with me a lot. The whole thing really started last autumn, when he started wanting to talk to me without his mum: "I want to talk about men's stuff, and Mum's a giiiiiiiirl." It started with him discussing which girls in his class he found "sweet" and why. Also, and perhaps a little worryingly, he grilled me on which rather older girls I found "sweet" at work. Besides Mum. Ahem... Okaaaay. Then he started showing a great interest in doing guy stuff. Like when I took apart my motorcycle and accidentally it fell apart into many more pieces than I had intended (it's true – men ARE genetically unable to read an instruction manual until they are so deeply in a mess that they have no alternative). Our son spent a good two hours sitting cross-legged on a blanket surrounded by microscopic pieces of motorbike trying to sort all the bits out. We got it working again (with no pieces left over... wow...) and it works fine. Our son was so proud that this was a topic of conversation for days. And I have to admit – if I'd been trying to fix it on my own, I wouldn't have got it done so fast (the extra pair of hands helped a lot).
Also, he's bouncing back and forth between finding girls "icky" and being fascinated by them. When I come to think about it, I bet it's a whole lot rougher for him than for us. He finds Mum "icky" because she's a girl, and I repeatedly have serious talks with him about not hurting her feelings by constantly pointing out the fact that he finds her "icky". On the other hand, he gets furiously jealous if she so much as speaks to another child. Oh dear... The excellent thing is that he is extraordinarily communicative and can formulate his thoughts more clearly than many adults, so our discussions are fascinating. He's clearly and definitely interested in girls. We try to be as open-minded as possible, but he's very definite about him not being interested in boys, but in girls, but he finds them a bit weird. Two girls in his class (two he finds "sweet", by the way) keep pestering him, he says. They never let him play in peace, they always call him, want to sit beside him and they chase him around the playground, wanting to pinch or tickle him (I tried to keep a straight face – honestly). I explained to him that this is probably because they also find him "sweet" – otherwise they'd ignore him. I watched them play recently and he is definitely not being pestered by them – they just want his attention. Hey-ho – so it begins... I explained to him that even though he finds girls odd and "icky", in a year or two he'll want to sit beside them. He is seriously sceptical. He won't be disgusted by the idea of holding hands. This he finds hard to believe.
We gave him a really nice book on sexuality for Christmas and he is refreshingly curious and uninhibited with his questions so the time is right to "explain it all".
Pity it's winter and the birds have all migrated and I haven't seen any bees around...
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Childrens books on sexuality
Kids First Book About Sex
by Joani Blank
What's the Big Secret?: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys
by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown
Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts
by Gail Saltz and Lynne Avril Cravath
Your Body Belongs to You
by Cornelia Maude Spelman and Teri Weidner
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