- what makes a great Dad?
I was pleasantly surprised to read that on 7 June 2009 two Dads here in Switzerland were awarded the "Father of the Year" award (www.maenner.ch) and the award got me thinking: What makes a great Dad? A great deal of public discussion either ignores the question entirely or limits it to highlighting particularly bad examples. But what makes a really good, great Dad?
There are so many aspects to the question that it is a tough one to answer. Should a Dad be judged only by his "Dadness" in relation to his children? As a partner? As a member of society in the broader sense? Fifty years ago, the answer would have been more straightforward: A good father provides well for his family financially, is a figure of authority (the "paterfamilias"), a figure of respect to his children and wife. He had little if any role in the raising of his children, except to pass judgement where required and sternly mete out appropriate punishment for misbehaviour. Today? No longer. Things are more complicated. Which is a good thing, in my opinion. In my opinion because ultimately any consideration of such a broad question will inevitably end up being subjective and will probably only apply to me.
A key element is probably how well a Dad does with his children. A good Dad is no longer a figure of fear. No longer the "do as I tell you or I'll tell Dad when he gets home!" type of Dad. A good Dad shares the process of raising the children with his partner. This doesn't necessarily mean sharing every task fifty fifty. But it does mean taking a fair share of the tough jobs along with the pleasant ones. Parenting isn't all about sunshine and smiles. It's about supporting one another, being as strict as necessary and as tolerant as possible. A great deal has to do with taking the time to listen.
I guess there are at least two sides to the question of what it takes to be a good Dad. I've discussed various aspects of being a good partner in other articles, so I've been thinking about being a good Dad from the kids' perspective. I asked my son (age 7) what a good Dad was and he thought about it and came up with a few predictable answers: "A good Dad gives me presents"; "...isn't too strict"; "...lets me stay up late"; "plays wild adventures with me", etc. But that wasn't really the direction I was looking for.
Nowadays bringing up children is largely a communications challenge. There's a lot of negotiation. A Dad has to be able to - and want to - listen to his kids. As soon as they're old enough to express themselves, kids have their own opinions and their own take on the world around them. They're worth listening to. They develop a sense of humour early and can be very funny. They can tell stories as well as listen to them. Actually talking with your children instead of just talking at them is very, very important for their development. So surely being a good listener and taking the time to be genuinely interested in what your kids have to say is part of it.
I'm convinced that kids also need a male role model. Yes - girls do, too. Someone who will do "guy things" with them, will show a contrasting side of parenting to Mum's perspective. Contrasting, yes. But contrasting in the sense of complementing. Kids learn early than Mums and Dads are different. That Mum and Dad don't always agree on everything. But that they can usually sort out their differences by discussing (sometimes loudly) and are still friends afterwards. These are very important experiences for kids. They can learn that conflicts of interests are part of life and not the end of the world, provided they can be resolved sensibly.
My son wrapped it up pretty well when he said, later at dinner: "Papi - I know what a good father is now. A good father is a good friend. You're my best friend, so that's good."
* TRAVEL TO NIEDERBAUEN
* HAPPY SCHOOL
* RETURN TO SCHOOL
* THE SWISS SCHOOL BAG
* THE PARENT CHALLENGES
* THE DAD CHAMPIONSHIP
* Z`NÜNI - The Swiss snack
* TALKING BABIES
* SOMBAT ADAMS
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* ARCHIVE