DADS TIME
Learning from our kids – adapting to a new
environment
Moving abroad is always traumatic to a certain extent. It involves uprooting,
leaving the familiar behind, often leaving family and friends for a future
in new surroundings, perhaps in a country with a different cultural background
and a different day-to-day language. Such a move is challenge enough
for an adult, but it's interesting to see how kids deal with moving abroad.
Kids have a different perspective when moving abroad. Especially kids
old enough to be aware of the move but pre-adolescent, and thus typically
still strongly emotionally connected with their parents and the rest of
the immediate family. For them, the traumatic aspects of the move are different.
The loss of their friends and the move to a new environment, a new school,
these are comparable to their parents' situation, but there are differences.
They have their parents along to give them support and strength. Kids are
astonishingly resilient, and are liable to adapt to a new much faster than
their parents. The most obvious area where kids are at an advantage is the
language. From a developmental point of view, the age at which kids learn
a new language with next to no effort is before they begin school. So by
the time they get to school, that boat has left. But even though they may
have missed the optimal age to learn a new language, a kid in school has
the advantage over his or her parents in that they are typically surrounded
(immersed) in the new language all day at school. They are motivated to
learn the new language and (and this is important) no-one has told them
how difficult the new language is supposed to be to learn. So their approach
to learning a new language is free from negative expectations, fears and
the desire to avoid making embarrassing mistakes. The younger they are,
the better they are able to just get down to it and absorb. We adults worry
too much about getting the new language perfect right from the start. We
forget that being able to ask for a loaf of bread in atrocious German – as
long as it's comprehensible – is far more useful than mute gesticulation.
We should learn from our children here. We need to accept that we won't
learn the new language as completely as a small child will. We probably
won't lose that accent. But as long as we're prepared to make the effort,
we'll have a useful collection of phrases in no time. Even without going
to dedicated language courses. If in doubt, ask. Generally (not always,
but usually) the "natives" appreciate that we foreigners make
the effort to learn the local lingo and will go easy on us as we mangle
their language. They will tell you what the thing you're pointing at is
called and not laugh at you for mispronouncing it.
Part of the problem is that children and adults behave differently towards
foreign peers. Kids won't usually go out of their way to speak the new kid's
language. They expect the new kid to adapt. In turn, our kids don't really
expect all the local kids to learn English, so they start off with single
words like "hello", "yes", "no", "thank
you" and the essential "do you want to play?" Then they'll
do some pantomiming, some pointing and a lot of "come on! Over here!" We
adults, on the other hand, tend to start with expectations that are far
too high. We want to conduct Smalltalk, be sociable, show our hospitality,
and take part in business meetings... That's too advanced, though. We need
to learn to walk before we can run. Start easy, take small steps, don't
be afraid to make a fool of yourself and most importantly: Keep a certain
child-like innocence – So you made a mistake? Who cares? Try again.
Once kids start school here, they will learn the language fast. It's
astonishing how quickly they will pick up on school material even if they
have no clue about the local language at the beginning of the semester.
After a few weeks, they'll be participating and after a few months they'll
have caught up. With the additional advantage of having learned an additional
language. They'll keep making mistakes, sure. But they'll be able to take
part.
The same applies to children's ability to adapt to a new culture. Take
time to discuss the new environment with your kids. They're out talking
to other kids and they observe and learn about the new environment in a
different way. They have a different focus, different priorities. So discuss,
exchange notes, go out together and discover things. Let your child translate
for you or order a coffee in a café. Let your child be aware of his
or her success in learning the tools to function in a new environment.
It's not just a case of our kids learning from us, but also vice-versa.
comment on this article
Who wrote this?
| DANIEL SCHWARZ
CARIGIET Born: 1966 in Lugano, Switzerland - Mother American, father German Family: married to Astrid, father of Oliver |
 |
| Occupation: Freelance photographer / commmunications consultant |
|
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