L.O.V.E
Studies say that "children who feel loved are more likely to have self-esteem, excel academically, and have healthier relationships." If not feeling loved, they will search for love somewhere else and could join a gang, a sect, having unhealthy relationship all their life.
The first time your kid says I love you, is a treasure you'll cherish in your heart for ever. Of course, for the child to say so, he has to learn it from you. Hearing these words is very important in your child development but in our parents development as well. Even if you know your kids love you, the fact that they say those three words, is an emotional connection greater than anything else.
In our household, there is different "I love you".
For example, we have : The "I love You" as a ritual will be said every night as the last words we will say before turning off the light.
The " I love You " followed by what I called the kissing machine, will reassure my kids of the love we have for them.
The " I love You " Goodbye will be said every morning when my husband leaves. In fact his real sentence is " Goodbye (name of the kid) I love you" and each kid answer " Bye Bye Daddy, I love you"
As our 2-year-old started potty training last week, my husband realized that the love of our two year old isn't totally what we would except to be love.
After having peed in his potty, the lovely angel, threw his pee into the toilet and said : " Bye, bye pipi, I love you." and then flushed !
We clearly laughed, but my husband doubted seriously about the understanding of the meaning of "I love you" by our son. This event provoked some discussions. Can a 2-year-old really love someone ? Can a child feel love for his parent or is he obliged to "love" them because the parents provides the goods he needs to survive ? Can a child love someone else than himself ?
In the Ten Commandments, we are compelled to RESPECT our parent, not to love them… Ok, the Bible doesn't have the latest updates about kids psychology but still… the question is worth !
Françoise Dolto born in 1908 and dead in 1988, was a French doctor and psychoanalyst, famous for her research on babies and childhood. Dolto revolutionized the field of psycho-therapeutic work with babies. She explained to all mother that children ARE human being, and babies too. It sounds ridiculously normal in our days, but when she wrote her first book about that subject, all was new. Thanks to (or because) of her, we listen to our children when they speak, we explain our actions to them and we consider them as human as we are… So the demonstration is easy… If children are like adults, they also should be able to love and we find it reassuring to say that they love their parents… Well, we all have an opinion about that subject I guess.
But what about my son's pee ? Does he really love his pee ? As a part of him, this could be possible… but the most important question is : would the pee feel loved ? Would it has a great self-esteem ? And will my kid have unhealthy relationship because he, once, loved his pee ? Would our son flushed down the toilet everybody he loves ? Are we, his wonderful parents, going to finished in the toilet bowl ?
Let's put him back in diapers and pretend all this never happens ! Sometimes I wished I have raised kids before Françoise Dolto theories and not wonder about pee lovers !
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Gabrielle Cloutier is french, lives in Zürich and has three kids. She is always on call!
Follow her blog here on mamizeit.
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